Deprecated: Required parameter $notBefore follows optional parameter $keyType in /home/audreyvaraidzo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/ssl-zen/ssl_zen/lib/LEOrder.php on line 77

Deprecated: Required parameter $notAfter follows optional parameter $keyType in /home/audreyvaraidzo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/ssl-zen/ssl_zen/lib/LEOrder.php on line 77
This boy, He will be the death of her – Audrey Varaidzo

Audrey Varaidzo

Does she ever learn?

Does she still feel them?
She is numb and frozen,
Yet it dimly sparks like a dying gem.
Why is it so strong?
She was deprived from it.
Devils has done her heart way too many wrongs.
Killed was the lust,
Lost was the temptation.
 Lord, hear her prayer oh so dear.
Her heart is aching; her mind isn't clear.
Her love has left her; it hurts her soul.
Without that love she doesn't feel whole.
He will never know
she wants to run, she wants to hide
From all the pain he caused inside.
she wants to scream, she wants to cry.
Why can't she tell him goodbye?

Will she ever learn? 

He hurt her bad; the pain is deep
From all the promises he couldn't keep.
All the lies she heard him say
Are in her head and just won't fade.
She can't silence them in her mind. 
Sometimes she asks herself.
Sometimes, someone else asks her
That same question
Why can't you leave? 
Sometimes the question is intense.
Sometimes it preoccupies her mind for days
However the doing is not as easy for her .
She wishes it could be as simple
Simple as the way it is in her mind
She prays for courage 
To walk up to him
To tell him she has been bleeding 
She has been hurting on the inside 
That she wants to be free
She wants him to understand 
She wants to be free
She wants to be happy 
Again, like her 13 year old self 
Who would wake up at dawn
ready to conquer the world
She doesn't know how to free herself
She doesn't know what she is scared of
Whether she is scared of him 
Or scared of the person she has become 

After some thought 
She decides to stay
Theirs is a love hate relationship 
She is not sure 
Whether she still loves him,

 Is it that she is scared of leaving him 
Or is it the thought of being alone 
She accepts that she is scared 
Of herself 
She has become  her own monster
She can't be alone
At least not for this moment 
That's what she tells herself 
She just has to be more patient with him
Understand him more
that's what she whispers to herself every night 
wiping her tears to sleep 

Will she ever learn? 

She knows she is slowly dying on the inside 
her insides are crying for her 
her heart is crying 
for her to come back 
to come back home to herself

Perhaps this is how she heals 
This is how she finds closure
Perhaps this is how she gets her answers
As to why she was so naive
Why did she think this boy was going to be her solution
A solution to all her problems 
This boy shall be her ending 
This boy shall be her death 

Will she ever learn? 

Perhaps this is the start of her journey home
Else this is going to be her ending 
Because on monsters, 
they never stop,
until they make, for themselves, other monsters
And in the end it's going to be her
She is also going to become a monster,
She is going to become him

She has to leave 
Else this is going to be her death
This is going to be how it ends